Boredom Strikes Again

It has been 1 year and 5 months since I started the office job that was a step into the industry I wanted to be in (health/medical research) but not really in a position that allowed me to develop in that are (admin).

My role requires a lot of mental energy. A lot of energy to jump from one task to another completely different task – example, filling in purchase orders to refill our pantry supplies to organising paperwork for the export of some instruments to our overseas counterparts to registering a new device to the TGA to sell. The actual tasks contribute to about 20% of my mental strain. The other 80% goes to the sheer willpower I need to do the tasks. I’m wholly unmotivated and uninspired in my office seat. It’s also way too cold for my liking.

I feel so childish and stupid complaining about my work because there is no chain and ball holding me back. Only sentimentality and a gratefulness that I even got the job in the first place.

But I am seriously bored right now.

I see no bright future from where I stand. Only the constant side-glances from my work-neighbour when I look down at my phone too long. The flashing orange S on my windows bar as another urgent enquiry comes in from a coworker across the seas.

I need something in my life that drives me. Gives me purpose. Maybe get my Masters. Possibly in Biostatistics. Mathematics always did excite me.

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22

I turn 23 years old in 34 mins.

I have been through a rollercoaster at 22.

I’ve fallen in and out of love twice. Heart broken once; broke a heart once. As painful as both were, a motto I live by- time was not wasted if you learnt something from it, helped me through a great deal. I spent a lot of the time during the healing process being introspective, trying to remember the ambitious, open minded younger self that somehow managed to get me to where I am today. She didn’t like boys- what did she spend her time doing instead? Answer was, being hopeful for her future and dreaming of a better life. At this point of life I have already realised that dreams can come true. You work for them. They don’t’come falling into your lap.

Being introspective and reflecting on those relationships the lesson learnt, I realised what I wanted in a partner; how I would like to be as a partner; and most of all, how appreciative I am for the friends and family I have. They have always been priceless to me but I came to appreciate them even more when I realised I never had to look to hard for someone to help me feel less lonely. I also came across a couple this year who despite their good intentions most of the time, being so in love and so dependent on each other led to them having a world closed off from everyone else that unfortunately led to them coming across as a bit delusional. To have such a wide range of friends, a wide range of opinions and views on the world is an asset that can help you better understand the world and the people around you. Having someone you can rely on to agree to your every opinion is definitely not the kind of person I need.

I did my first non-family overseas holiday. To South Korea. The food was amazing, the people were amazingly polite and the winter weather was beautiful and crisp. The shop sign lights filled street after street, illuminating the cold night, leading us to a beautiful bibimbap with raw beef or a souvenir shop plastered with young, handsome kpop faces on all types of memorabilia.

Of course, the holiday would not have been possible had I not gotten my first adult job. I sit at a desk, 9am to 5pm. My whole day is dictated by the incoming stampede of emails and the incessant and unwelcome whispers of my coworker who doesn’t seem to understand that their tips and reminders are coming in one ear and out the other, not because I don’t intend on acting on your advice, but because I am actually in the middle of doing something else right now and you have just made me forget what it was.

I fulfilled my goal of losing weight. More importantly though and much more significant is that I’ve managed to do so in a way I can sustain. I’ve slowly changed the way I look at food and have therefore changed my habits. I noticed that my snacking habits was just another form of the instant gratification that we have surely all become accustomed to in this age of technology. After becoming more patient and realising that being hungry for an hour til dinner came was not in fact life-threatening, I came to enjoy and appreciate my meals more. I also began to excercise regularly, looking at my energy intake and ensuring it somewhat matched my energy expenditure.Exercising also has become an amazing stress reliever to me. I am extremely happy with my current fitness. I enjoy long walks without stressing about how tired I am. My confidence has sky-rocketed.

22 has been good. I am actually 23 now as I have spent more than 34 mins typing this out. I should also make some honourable mentions to other notable events from this year- I have acquired a cat, I met a lot more family members, I organised my closet and have managed to remember how much I love chilling alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello Old Friend 

I don’t know when, but I had downloaded the wordpress app on my phone. The distinct blue and white W caught my eye just now as I flipped through my apps trying to find something to entertain me during my hour and a half commute to work. The train rides in the morning are typically spent reading news, checking and replying to all the messages on the many social media platforms I hate to admit I may be addicted to and staring out the window dreaming, thinking and feeling at awe of the world we pass.
Today, none of those things kept me interested. A mixture of me being responsible and avoiding the extra $30.00 I paid for last months phone bill, my recent quietness on social media and an unwelcome visit from the black dog all working together to keep me altogether uninterested.
And so I found myself flipping through my app pages for something that could quell my boredom. The WordPress app has sat unused next to the whatsapp icon until today as I opened it up and nostalgia hit like an intense but much needed gasp of air. I read through my previous posts, posted about 3 years ago, and a smile spread across my face.
I had been so hopeful and optimistic back then. Excited over my new part time job which I stayed at for a year and a half. I enjoyed my time there. I worked well and got a permanent position. Had plenty of regulars who loved me for my awesome packing skills (shout out to tetris). I eventually had to leave during my last year of uni because I was doing my honours research project.
My research project was looking at energy in egg cells. Is a deficiency in ATP a contributing factor to the fetal development of the fertilised egg? That was the toughest year of my life. The most valuable lessons I learnt were the life lessons. Your an adult and that means if you have to do something and you don’t do it, you’re not going to get a second chance. When I was younger and I made a mistake, there was always an adult there willing to give me a second chance or fixing it up for me. This year was one of the first where I was in a position where I was the adult. When I made mistakes, I couldn’t go back. It was now a part of my life. A bad decision I made that changed my future. It was a great year but a hard one. It also diverted my career path. I no longer wanted to move on to my PhD. I wanted to try other things.
And that leaves me to my current commute to work which will be ending in about 10 minutes. I found a job after uni as an administrator in a company that sells IVD instruments. I’ve learnt so much… but not a lot to do with the science. I’ve been learning a tonne about logistics and sales chain management- the most unpleasant lesson being that if you want a job done correctly, it involves a lot of nagging people to ensure they do it correctly. I’m slowly mastering the infamous SAP system. Managing an office is expensive. Everyone charges everyone for the smallest of services. And so much more.
My station is up next but I enjoyed catching up. Looking forward to writing a bit more.

Getting there

It’s been a while since I’ve made a post but for good reasons.

Instead of writing about my goals, I’ve been out in the world chasing them.

I am very happy to report that I have a part time job- I’m officially a checkout chick. Hahaha… not exactly a step towards my bigger goals but the hours are perfect for me and though I’m a little quiet around people I’m familiar with, talking to strangers is definitely not a problem for me. I especially love talking to the elderly since they seem to really enjoy our small conversations.

While I am happy to have a decent job at last, it is definitely not the best thing that has happened so far.

In 3 days, I will be starting an INTERNSHIP! I will be helping a group of scientists at my university in their quest to find a cure for the fatal Niemmans Pick Type C disease. Words cannot describe how happy I am to get this opportunity. I have 8 weeks to make sure this opportunity counts for something and I fully intend to do so.

I actually got the email for the internship and job offer at the same time (the time stamps show they came within  minutes of each other). I was at uni and was on the brink of crying but settled with walking aimlessly around the campus to calm down.

Heading towards the dream one step at a time.

The Cloud Atlas.

Cloud Atlas the movie

So I just finished watching Cloud Atlas.

I went in with no expectations. I had seen the trailers but I couldn’t make any sense of them. I have never read the book (though I am definitely grabbing myself a copy ASAP) and I literally had no preconceived notions on what it was about, how good it would be or just how it would affect me. I had no idea just how much it would affect me.

Watching it was like watching all my personal desires, all the values that I hold and try to uphold wrapped into a neat little masterpiece. Love, loyalty to your friends, loyalty to what is right and just, the courage to stay true to yourself, integrity- so many ideas that some people tend to lose when they’re too busy chasing their dreams.

If I were to lose my integrity, if I were to go against my values as a person, whether or not my dreams come true, it may not be worth it. These values I hold are basically my own laws to judge right from wrong. They are the poles of my moral compass. If they were stripped away from me, I would just be a puppet.

On the movie itself, it was amazing. If there is anything I could criticize, it would probably be how confusing it was initially but in the end as the stories wrap up the beginning makes much more sense and it could be forgiven. My favorite thing is the score. Such amazing, feels-provoking music. So much so that I went straight to spotify to find the soundtrack to which I am listening now.

Great movie that I would recommend to people who love more deep, thought provoking movies.

 

p.s. Oh my goodness I had no idea just how many different characters Hugo Weaving could pull off!

Relativity.

Malala Yousafzai- Shot in the head for following her dreams and survived.

When I graduated from High School, I thought that by the age of 20 I would have a stable part time job, enough money to move out and be getting High Distinctions in all my uni subjects.

Boy was I wrong.

Less than 2 months til I turn 20 and I’m barely getting enough to get to uni every week and HD’s at uni? Yep- a lot harder to achieve than I thought.

While I am kind of sad that nothing has really turned out like I planned I have never felt like I have failed at life.

Every time I’m depressed about my situation and how difficult it is to get out of it and achieve my goals my mind always seems to move on to thoughts of being homeless, starving on the streets or being unemployed. I think of those who don’t even have the opportunity to even apply for university or school in general. I think of all those whose life was determined just by being born in a certain country and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Lucky that I had the fortune of being born in a country that allowed me to dream and to follow those dreams. Lucky to be born in a country that didn’t hold me to different laws because of my gender. Lucky to be born in a country where laws mean something and actually protect its people.

I am lucky and I will continue to chase after my dreams for all those who have died chasing theirs.

Mind Reader

How I remember my teacher staring at me while giving the lesson. So awkward.

For the past few weeks I have been convinced my pathology tutor thought my report on Ischemic Heart Disease was stupid because he kept looking at me when we had a tutorial on the disease. I kept thinking back to my assignment, thinking of the important issues I never raised or the lack of information I had added. “Stupid, stupid ME” I kept thinking. How could I mess up such a major assignment. All these thoughts of doubt, regret and just sheer stupidity all because of a few weird glances from my tutor.

Well guess what?

Turns out he never even read my report. In fact, turns out I never even handed it in -.-”

The past few days I’ve been an even greater wreck- how could I have missed the email that told us to hand in a hard copy. I should know by now that they don’t actually mark the electronic copies (that was the only copy I had handed in!). Luckily, because they failed to inform me about my missing assignment, I wouldn’t have any penalties but OMG the stress was terrible.

After the initial shock, I came to realize how my worrying about the stupidity of my assignment was in vain! Who knows why my tutor looked at me funny that day. Maybe I had something on my face or maybe I was the one giving him the weird stare. Whatever the reason may be, I have learned two lessons:

1. ALWAYS CHECK YOUR EMAIL– even your spam mail. Who knows… maybe one day a Nigerian Prince may make you a princess for the small fee of your bank account info.

2. DON’T ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT OTHERS ARE THINKING AND IF YOU CAN’T HELP IT DON’T LET IT AFFECT YOU- Stressing over what a person was POSSIBLY thinking is useless. Think about it. Is what you think someone else is thinking something that you think yourself? Maybe this can be a point of self-improvement. For me, I can probably try harder on my assignments so I don’t leave anything out that I might regret later.

p.s. Ischemic Heart Disease= #1 cause of death IN THE WORLD! Eating healthy and exercise may help you reduce the risk and help you enjoy life in general.

Bushfire season.

Bushfire season. It’s not just a news story to some.

I live in the western suburbs of Sydney at the foot of the Blue Mountains. Every spring/summer there are three things that I have come to expect:

  1. Hay fever- I think I need to see an oncologist about the damage that my constant sneezing and tissue wiping has done on my nose. It really does not feel the same anymore. Also, the red eyes- I promise I’m not high.
  2. THE BUSHFIRES- I still remember Black Christmas so many years ago. We spent it at my Aunts place. In her backyard, we sat eating BBQ, enjoying the company of family watching the smoke rising from the mountains. Whether it be big or small, there are always bush fires and my family and I have been lucky that we have never been in their paths.

Right now, I’m sitting in my room and outside my room is what looks like a grey cloudy sky with a tinge of sepia. The grey isn’t clouds though. It’s the smoke. It’s one thing to hear about the fires on TV but to see the smoke right outside your window is truly eye opening. It serves as a reminder that the fires aren’t just a news story but is a real threat. I can’t imagine the pain those affected must be going through. Losing their homes and even loved ones. The moment of confusion when you don’t know what’s happening or where your loved ones are. Not knowing where to go from there. It’s a terrible tragedy but I have seen how strong these communities are and I know that they will get through it.